R U a No-Water-Drinkin-Goober?

I have done it!
I have figured out how to make myself drink water!
Now I can get all healthy and stuff!
You wanna know how I did it?
Okay...take notes...
Here it is for all of you no-water-drinkin-goobers like me.

First:
Head to your guilt ridden cabinet of goodies.
Grab that delicious bag of chocolateness, yeah that one, the one that is calling your name.
Mmmhmm, there it is, blocking the slim fast can.
Settle in to a nice comfy chair.
Turn on your favorite TV show or movie.
Snuggle in, reach over and open up that bag of yumminess.
Let the chocolate do what it does best -- comfort and calm.
Keep enjoying until the bite you takes kinda makes you queazy

Second:
Pay close attention to what your mouth is telling you.
"Thank you so much for the mini vacation of chocolate, but I think I may need
something salty now"
Pause the movie, it's time for a potty break anyway.
Now off you go on your next mission.
The chip cabinet!
Oh, now let me explain that any chip will do, but for the full effect I am trying to
teach you...
you need to grab that bag of chips that never let you down...
the Salt and Vinegar ones!!! Yay!!!
I know you are smiling.
Now go ahead, skip.
You know you want to.
Playfully bounce back to your little spot of heaven and get back into that movie.
Salty and sour, what a perfect combination, one after another...perfect harmony.
Here is where you have to play close attention--
your mouth is going to play games with you,
"enough chips, I need a little chocolate"
"great, now a few more chips please"
This little game could go on a while...but be aware:
Final Phase:
All of a sudden it will happen...
there will be this deafening scream come from within,
although it will be raspy, said with a dry anquish...
"Water, now, water"
THERE IT IS!!!
That moment you have been waiting for!
You spring up from the couch,
rush to grab a glass,
turn the faucet on
and proceed to guzzle that life giving liquid you otherwise despise.
HEALTHY...you are being healthy!
You have joined the club of the water drinkers of America!!
What?
What do you mean "what about all the chocolate and chips?"
One thing at a time my dear student, one thing at a time. ;)