Monday, April 18, 2011
Pura Vida!
Pura Vida! Our trip to Costa Rica was fun and inspirational as well. Our tour director, Rolando, told us that Costa Ricans call themselves Ticos, and they have a saying, which I heard many time while we were there....Pura Vida....it means pure life. It's the Ticos way of saying, don't worry, be happy. They are laid back, and enjoy life...some a lot more than others ;) After I got home, I got a message from an old friend who was struggling with the decision to continue living. I spent some time talking with this person and I have thought about it so much. 20 years ago, I was in that same place. The darkest, deepest hole a human can find themselves. It's when all hope is gone. Until you don't have hope, you don't realize how hope is life. There is a song that says "everything rides on hope" and it is so true. Why am I putting these two things together? Because God did it. I came home on a high, and was quickly reminded that life is fragile, a gift given to us...it's a choice we make everyday how we live it...or even if we do live it. 20 years ago, I had decided that I was too much of a failure to continue, and needed to get out of the way so G and the girls could have a healthy life. Of course, that was a lie. Since then I have experienced moment after moment of "Pura Vida"! Jesus saved me! You have seen the signs "Jesus Saves". You may have rolled your eyes, or laughed, or just ignored it. Well, I am living proof that He does! He gave me pure life and continues to do that daily. If you are tired, and wanting to give up...wait. I promise you, there are people that you have not met ...that you need to. There are people that have not met you....that need to. There are beautiful moments that you have not experienced...that you need to. There are ugly moments that you have not experienced... that you need to. I watched my daughters grow up, graduate high school, college, get married. I met the 3 wonderful sons that I prayed for all those years. Brandon, Kyle and Barrett. I met my first granddaughters, Mariah and KK. I listened outside the door as our Jolee Rhea let out her first cry. I watched our Ember Joy make her way into the world. I anticipate the birth of our Charlotte Haven. The moments with Gerald are so many that I can't possibly write them all down. I was a Youth Director for 7 years, impacting many teenagers lives (hopefully for the better...giggle) There are moments when it hits me with wonder and awe....that if I had given up, I would have missed this. I thank God all the time, all the time. It was not easy making my way out of that deep hole, but with the hope that Jesus gave me, faith that who He says He is, really is who He is and love that He surrounded me with...I made it. You can too! Life is a choice... PURA VIDA!! Everyday!
Saturday, January 15, 2011
2011...heart poised and soul balanced
Sometimes when I am reading, a sentence or a word jumps off the page and wiggles it's way into my conciousness. When it happens, I feel an adrenaline rush, and I know God is fixing to teach me something.
He draws me in...
I listen closer, I study, think about it, and let it become a part of me.
That is what happened to me this morning.
Casually reading and drinking my coffee....BAM!!!!!
There it was...
"You must learn heart poise and soul balance"
I read it again as it penetrated my heart...heart poise...soul balance.
Yes, yes I do need to learn that, ya know, I kinda thought I already had, but...no, I haven't.
I am like so many "Christians", I have heard "stuff" like that, and piously agreed to believe it is what I need to do, so I used the appropriate words to sound like I have it.
But, no, I don't think I do.
When I read it, I realized in a split second that I desired those things. God gives us the desires of our heart. First he places it there and then he provides a way to receive that desire. In less than a second I went from casually content to desperately seeking. I no longer was just okay with the way I think and act, I wanted better. His Spirit is the only one that can do that to me. I love it!!
Suddenly He pulls the curtain back and reveals a new gift. The only way to receive that gift is to go after it. It may take awhile, but I am going after it!
Heart poise...soul balance.
It is very clear to me that this will not happen as sudden as the revealation did. The moment of discovery was the easy part. What do I do now?
Hide.
Hide with Christ in God.
Where better to learn my own heart, my own soul...to hear my thoughts and compare them with His. My heart, the deepest, most innerpart of who I am, learning what to do with fear, love, courage, anger, joy, sorrow and hatred. All of which directly affect my heart. These are the pieces that are produced and float toward me when an event takes place in my world. Hidden there is where my soul, my inner flesh, the place where my emotions, thoughts, appetite and desires will find balance. I will draw from His strength and be able to influence the outcome by making productive choices. Learning to respond, not react.
Really, it is the only place that I can learn heart poise and soul balance.
The part of me that makes me...me, poised, at rest with Christ, and when that moment comes, I am prepared to move with His strength. My action, determined by my soul, will be balanced. Unhealthy emotion, thoughts, appetites or desires will rise up, and I will be able to discern the destruction they could cause and not allow it.
I envison myself on a secure raft, but floating in a large body of water. Enjoying life, God, family, friends. Then when this vascillating world tosses something in the water, good or destructive, pieces are released and head my way.
Sometimes, the pieces like anger, hatred, sorrow, and fear seem to be there in a flash, and my raft is tossed in that storm. The pieces of love, courage, and joy dance around me creating calm and serenity. But, at the moment they are released, I have a decision to make...
I have all too many times, held on to the raft, screaming at the waves. Taking in the destructive pieces, like I had the right to.
When my mother died, my raft was tossed like never before. Every destructive piece produced from watching her die, headed my way. Some have found their way into my faith, some found their way into my relationships, and some found their way into my writing.
I allowed it.
My heart was not poised, and my soul was unbalanced.
My raft was damaged and I took on water.
I have been bailing water with a spoon.
During these past 3 years, more events have caused waves, more pieces floated toward me, and more water has splashed into my raft.
Thankfully, love, joy (literally), and even a little courage has been produced from some beautiful events, and those have made that spoon into a bucket.
I believe for me, 2011 is a year for intense healing, growing and moving.
A year to no longer run from the reality of God...in the name of "religion", but embrace Who He is. A year to listen, and meditate, not to draw my own conclusions, but to absorb His.
A time to not take on what everyone else thinks is the appropriate way to worship, or not to worship, to go to church or not to go to church, to be this or be that....but...allow God to be who He tells us He is.
In 2011, I desire to become heart poised and soul balanced. To allow God to repair my raft, and enter a new kind of rest...one that I can't describe because I have not known it yet.
Why am I blogging this?
Passion
Habbakuk 2:2
(thanks for the reminder Joann)
He draws me in...
I listen closer, I study, think about it, and let it become a part of me.
That is what happened to me this morning.
Casually reading and drinking my coffee....BAM!!!!!
There it was...
"You must learn heart poise and soul balance"
I read it again as it penetrated my heart...heart poise...soul balance.
Yes, yes I do need to learn that, ya know, I kinda thought I already had, but...no, I haven't.
I am like so many "Christians", I have heard "stuff" like that, and piously agreed to believe it is what I need to do, so I used the appropriate words to sound like I have it.
But, no, I don't think I do.
When I read it, I realized in a split second that I desired those things. God gives us the desires of our heart. First he places it there and then he provides a way to receive that desire. In less than a second I went from casually content to desperately seeking. I no longer was just okay with the way I think and act, I wanted better. His Spirit is the only one that can do that to me. I love it!!
Suddenly He pulls the curtain back and reveals a new gift. The only way to receive that gift is to go after it. It may take awhile, but I am going after it!
Heart poise...soul balance.
It is very clear to me that this will not happen as sudden as the revealation did. The moment of discovery was the easy part. What do I do now?
Hide.
Hide with Christ in God.
Where better to learn my own heart, my own soul...to hear my thoughts and compare them with His. My heart, the deepest, most innerpart of who I am, learning what to do with fear, love, courage, anger, joy, sorrow and hatred. All of which directly affect my heart. These are the pieces that are produced and float toward me when an event takes place in my world. Hidden there is where my soul, my inner flesh, the place where my emotions, thoughts, appetite and desires will find balance. I will draw from His strength and be able to influence the outcome by making productive choices. Learning to respond, not react.
Really, it is the only place that I can learn heart poise and soul balance.
The part of me that makes me...me, poised, at rest with Christ, and when that moment comes, I am prepared to move with His strength. My action, determined by my soul, will be balanced. Unhealthy emotion, thoughts, appetites or desires will rise up, and I will be able to discern the destruction they could cause and not allow it.
I envison myself on a secure raft, but floating in a large body of water. Enjoying life, God, family, friends. Then when this vascillating world tosses something in the water, good or destructive, pieces are released and head my way.
Sometimes, the pieces like anger, hatred, sorrow, and fear seem to be there in a flash, and my raft is tossed in that storm. The pieces of love, courage, and joy dance around me creating calm and serenity. But, at the moment they are released, I have a decision to make...
I have all too many times, held on to the raft, screaming at the waves. Taking in the destructive pieces, like I had the right to.
When my mother died, my raft was tossed like never before. Every destructive piece produced from watching her die, headed my way. Some have found their way into my faith, some found their way into my relationships, and some found their way into my writing.
I allowed it.
My heart was not poised, and my soul was unbalanced.
My raft was damaged and I took on water.
I have been bailing water with a spoon.
During these past 3 years, more events have caused waves, more pieces floated toward me, and more water has splashed into my raft.
Thankfully, love, joy (literally), and even a little courage has been produced from some beautiful events, and those have made that spoon into a bucket.
I believe for me, 2011 is a year for intense healing, growing and moving.
A year to no longer run from the reality of God...in the name of "religion", but embrace Who He is. A year to listen, and meditate, not to draw my own conclusions, but to absorb His.
A time to not take on what everyone else thinks is the appropriate way to worship, or not to worship, to go to church or not to go to church, to be this or be that....but...allow God to be who He tells us He is.
In 2011, I desire to become heart poised and soul balanced. To allow God to repair my raft, and enter a new kind of rest...one that I can't describe because I have not known it yet.
Why am I blogging this?
Passion
Habbakuk 2:2
(thanks for the reminder Joann)
Friday, June 4, 2010
My Ceiling, Their Floor
There is such joy in seeing prayers answered. Even if it is not the way I think they should be...even more so when it is not the way I thought would be perfect. I love the moment of awe when I realize that God has answered a prayer and it is way beyond what I could think or even imagine. To see his answer encompass so many more hearts than I would have included, to see the answer heal so many more than I knew were hurting, and to see joy on so many more faces than I even know.
I have prayed the prayer "Lord, please let my ceiling be their floor" for my three beautiful daughters.
Even though I would love to go into great detail on how God has already began to answer that prayer... I won't. It is enough for a blog to say that my daughters have already moved way beyond my ceiling.
The reality is that our children begin where we leave off.
Oh...not that I am done, by any stretch of the imagination.
No, I am still strengthening my ceiling...I am still adding supports.
Beams on how to grow old gracefully, how to have a fun-filled, love-infused marriage, how to be a wonderful Ducky (grandmother), how to be a mom to adult children, how to be a woman of faith...and the beams keep going up.
I know that I have added beams to my ceiling that are creaky and maybe a little weak...and there are even a few that never got added but maybe should have been.
But that it how it works, I build the best ceiling I know how and with God's love and support they can see the holes and weak places and step over them.
And,
when it is their turn to build their ceilings, they can add and take away beams that will strengthen their babies floors.
Doesn't it make sense, as a parent, to give our children the strongest, cleanest, prettiest floor you can?
Maybe you have to give up something, or wait to do something, or change the way you do something or not have as much...but I promise...it is soo worth it when you see God answering your prayers for your children.
When you see them building their own beautiful, strong ceilings and its so beyond what you could have hoped for or imagined.
Then, those things you thought you couldn't do without, or that "thing" you just knew you had to do, or whatever it was you had to put to the side for a little while is forgotten because your babies are amazing adults with strong floors to begin their lives on.
And,
all of the sudden you look around and realize with a giggle...you can do that "thing" or have that "stuff" or go to that place...while adding to the ceiling the beams of "emptynest happiness" because you loved, provided and protected your marriage and your babies, and all is good.
I have prayed the prayer "Lord, please let my ceiling be their floor" for my three beautiful daughters.
Even though I would love to go into great detail on how God has already began to answer that prayer... I won't. It is enough for a blog to say that my daughters have already moved way beyond my ceiling.
The reality is that our children begin where we leave off.
Oh...not that I am done, by any stretch of the imagination.
No, I am still strengthening my ceiling...I am still adding supports.
Beams on how to grow old gracefully, how to have a fun-filled, love-infused marriage, how to be a wonderful Ducky (grandmother), how to be a mom to adult children, how to be a woman of faith...and the beams keep going up.
I know that I have added beams to my ceiling that are creaky and maybe a little weak...and there are even a few that never got added but maybe should have been.
But that it how it works, I build the best ceiling I know how and with God's love and support they can see the holes and weak places and step over them.
And,
when it is their turn to build their ceilings, they can add and take away beams that will strengthen their babies floors.
Doesn't it make sense, as a parent, to give our children the strongest, cleanest, prettiest floor you can?
Maybe you have to give up something, or wait to do something, or change the way you do something or not have as much...but I promise...it is soo worth it when you see God answering your prayers for your children.
When you see them building their own beautiful, strong ceilings and its so beyond what you could have hoped for or imagined.
Then, those things you thought you couldn't do without, or that "thing" you just knew you had to do, or whatever it was you had to put to the side for a little while is forgotten because your babies are amazing adults with strong floors to begin their lives on.
And,
all of the sudden you look around and realize with a giggle...you can do that "thing" or have that "stuff" or go to that place...while adding to the ceiling the beams of "emptynest happiness" because you loved, provided and protected your marriage and your babies, and all is good.
Monday, May 3, 2010
Remembering One, Thankful for All
Just got word that a friend of mine has died.
I haven't seen him or talked to him in years.
He was one of the precious youth kids I had the
privilege to spend time with in his teen days.
As I sit here, remembering him and those times years ago,
I wonder about his life in between then and now.
He was a sweet, quiet young man, with a giant grin.
He was always polite and most of the time soft spoken.
I remember having a very real, quiet conversation with him about Jesus.
He accepted Him as his Savior, and had lots of questions.
I don't know how he died, or what his life was like, but I do know
that he is in heaven and his questions are all answered now.
He makes 4 of our youth kids that have gone home, too soon, it would
seem to us.
We loved each of our youth kids. We prayed many prayers for them all.
We laughed and cried with them.
It's really hard to hear when one dies, but, it's beyond precious to remember
moments like the one with this young man.
It's times like this that I stop in my tracks, get quiet and reflect.
If you are one of our youth kids reading this...I love you and I miss you.
Thank you for the laughter and the tears.
You all made a difference in our lives and we are grateful.
I haven't seen him or talked to him in years.
He was one of the precious youth kids I had the
privilege to spend time with in his teen days.
As I sit here, remembering him and those times years ago,
I wonder about his life in between then and now.
He was a sweet, quiet young man, with a giant grin.
He was always polite and most of the time soft spoken.
I remember having a very real, quiet conversation with him about Jesus.
He accepted Him as his Savior, and had lots of questions.
I don't know how he died, or what his life was like, but I do know
that he is in heaven and his questions are all answered now.
He makes 4 of our youth kids that have gone home, too soon, it would
seem to us.
We loved each of our youth kids. We prayed many prayers for them all.
We laughed and cried with them.
It's really hard to hear when one dies, but, it's beyond precious to remember
moments like the one with this young man.
It's times like this that I stop in my tracks, get quiet and reflect.
If you are one of our youth kids reading this...I love you and I miss you.
Thank you for the laughter and the tears.
You all made a difference in our lives and we are grateful.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
R U a No-Water-Drinkin-Goober?
I have done it!
I have figured out how to make myself drink water!
Now I can get all healthy and stuff!
You wanna know how I did it?
Okay...take notes...
Here it is for all of you no-water-drinkin-goobers like me.
First:
Head to your guilt ridden cabinet of goodies.
Grab that delicious bag of chocolateness, yeah that one, the one that is calling your name.
Mmmhmm, there it is, blocking the slim fast can.
Settle in to a nice comfy chair.
Turn on your favorite TV show or movie.
Snuggle in, reach over and open up that bag of yumminess.
Let the chocolate do what it does best -- comfort and calm.
Keep enjoying until the bite you takes kinda makes you queazy
Second:
Pay close attention to what your mouth is telling you.
"Thank you so much for the mini vacation of chocolate, but I think I may need
something salty now"
Pause the movie, it's time for a potty break anyway.
Now off you go on your next mission.
The chip cabinet!
Oh, now let me explain that any chip will do, but for the full effect I am trying to
teach you...
you need to grab that bag of chips that never let you down...
the Salt and Vinegar ones!!! Yay!!!
I know you are smiling.
Now go ahead, skip.
You know you want to.
Playfully bounce back to your little spot of heaven and get back into that movie.
Salty and sour, what a perfect combination, one after another...perfect harmony.
Here is where you have to play close attention--
your mouth is going to play games with you,
"enough chips, I need a little chocolate"
"great, now a few more chips please"
This little game could go on a while...but be aware:
Final Phase:
All of a sudden it will happen...
there will be this deafening scream come from within,
although it will be raspy, said with a dry anquish...
"Water, now, water"
THERE IT IS!!!
That moment you have been waiting for!
You spring up from the couch,
rush to grab a glass,
turn the faucet on
and proceed to guzzle that life giving liquid you otherwise despise.
HEALTHY...you are being healthy!
You have joined the club of the water drinkers of America!!
What?
What do you mean "what about all the chocolate and chips?"
One thing at a time my dear student, one thing at a time. ;)
I have figured out how to make myself drink water!
Now I can get all healthy and stuff!
You wanna know how I did it?
Okay...take notes...
Here it is for all of you no-water-drinkin-goobers like me.
First:
Head to your guilt ridden cabinet of goodies.
Grab that delicious bag of chocolateness, yeah that one, the one that is calling your name.
Mmmhmm, there it is, blocking the slim fast can.
Settle in to a nice comfy chair.
Turn on your favorite TV show or movie.
Snuggle in, reach over and open up that bag of yumminess.
Let the chocolate do what it does best -- comfort and calm.
Keep enjoying until the bite you takes kinda makes you queazy
Second:
Pay close attention to what your mouth is telling you.
"Thank you so much for the mini vacation of chocolate, but I think I may need
something salty now"
Pause the movie, it's time for a potty break anyway.
Now off you go on your next mission.
The chip cabinet!
Oh, now let me explain that any chip will do, but for the full effect I am trying to
teach you...
you need to grab that bag of chips that never let you down...
the Salt and Vinegar ones!!! Yay!!!
I know you are smiling.
Now go ahead, skip.
You know you want to.
Playfully bounce back to your little spot of heaven and get back into that movie.
Salty and sour, what a perfect combination, one after another...perfect harmony.
Here is where you have to play close attention--
your mouth is going to play games with you,
"enough chips, I need a little chocolate"
"great, now a few more chips please"
This little game could go on a while...but be aware:
Final Phase:
All of a sudden it will happen...
there will be this deafening scream come from within,
although it will be raspy, said with a dry anquish...
"Water, now, water"
THERE IT IS!!!
That moment you have been waiting for!
You spring up from the couch,
rush to grab a glass,
turn the faucet on
and proceed to guzzle that life giving liquid you otherwise despise.
HEALTHY...you are being healthy!
You have joined the club of the water drinkers of America!!
What?
What do you mean "what about all the chocolate and chips?"
One thing at a time my dear student, one thing at a time. ;)
Monday, April 19, 2010
Today, I am the beholder
I'm in search of beauty.
Simple beauty, extravagant beauty, geographical beauty, heart stopping beauty, mind numbing beauty, peace giving beauty.
There are many kinds, and I am looking for it all.
Anything creating pleasure to the senses and mind is beautiful.
We have all heard it said that beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
Perspective allows beauty.
Today I choose to look for beauty in everything I do and all I see.
Because God is good, because He makes everything good for those who love him,
and are called for his purpose...He sees beauty in all things.
I want to look at my day through His eyes.
The world view of beauty confuses me.
To be beautiful by the standards of those in the know, saddens me.
But,
to step out of that definition and into God's is liberating.
Beauty is not confined to looks.
I found beauty on the day my mom died, the moment she stepped into eternity.
Beauty takes center stage everytime I watch my granddaughters learn something new.
Beauty explodes in a storm as it rolls toward me on a spring day.
Lying quietly reading at night with my husband of 29 years sleeping beside me, beauty fills me.
Watching my daughters in early stages of marriage, with the struggles and the giggles, beauty dances all around them.
Having a son in law ask to cook with me in my kitchen, beauty smiles.
Beauty is having two sons in law volunteer to serve our country.
God created a playground of beauty for us to live on, and I desire to see as much of it as I can.
I hear beauty when I talk to my dad on the phone and through tears he talks about how much he loves Jesus.
Here is today and the chance to make a choice...see beauty in this day or muddle through yet again.
Today, I am the beholder and beauty will be in my eyes.
Simple beauty, extravagant beauty, geographical beauty, heart stopping beauty, mind numbing beauty, peace giving beauty.
There are many kinds, and I am looking for it all.
Anything creating pleasure to the senses and mind is beautiful.
We have all heard it said that beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
Perspective allows beauty.
Today I choose to look for beauty in everything I do and all I see.
Because God is good, because He makes everything good for those who love him,
and are called for his purpose...He sees beauty in all things.
I want to look at my day through His eyes.
The world view of beauty confuses me.
To be beautiful by the standards of those in the know, saddens me.
But,
to step out of that definition and into God's is liberating.
Beauty is not confined to looks.
I found beauty on the day my mom died, the moment she stepped into eternity.
Beauty takes center stage everytime I watch my granddaughters learn something new.
Beauty explodes in a storm as it rolls toward me on a spring day.
Lying quietly reading at night with my husband of 29 years sleeping beside me, beauty fills me.
Watching my daughters in early stages of marriage, with the struggles and the giggles, beauty dances all around them.
Having a son in law ask to cook with me in my kitchen, beauty smiles.
Beauty is having two sons in law volunteer to serve our country.
God created a playground of beauty for us to live on, and I desire to see as much of it as I can.
I hear beauty when I talk to my dad on the phone and through tears he talks about how much he loves Jesus.
Here is today and the chance to make a choice...see beauty in this day or muddle through yet again.
Today, I am the beholder and beauty will be in my eyes.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
For You
I wish I could hug you.
When you ask me to write something inspirational,
I just closed my eyes and ask God..."what does her heart need?"
The first thing that came to my mind was HOPE.
Something to look beyond all that is going on.
You need some quiet time for just you and God, and when you do here is something that I want you to do:
See yourself pushing a button like you would in the car to roll down a window.
Let all that is going on roll down for a little while.
Ask God to give you a vision of hope.
Now, look beyond it all.
What has God placed in your heart to see?
What is the desire that he has given you that gives you hope?
Only you and God know what it is. Go ahead and smile, it's okay...
it's okay to have hope for your future, for your family's future.
Now, see a big cardboard box in your mind,
take each family member that is hurting, give them hugs and kisses and with a smile lovingly place them in the box.
Take the events that have caused so much pain and toss all that in there as well.
Close the lid.
Look up...
there is Jesus, He is smiling and has His arms out to you.
He wants the box, all of it, everyone and everything that is in it.
He does not want you to carry it anymore. He is able to heal it all.
He wants to heal it all. That is why he died on the cross. He understands
your pain, and your family's pain.
All you have to do now is nod your head, and He will take that box from you.
Then you crawl up in His arms and rest, baby...just rest.
It's on His shoulders now, not yours...
Jeremiah 29:11--"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
When you ask me to write something inspirational,
I just closed my eyes and ask God..."what does her heart need?"
The first thing that came to my mind was HOPE.
Something to look beyond all that is going on.
You need some quiet time for just you and God, and when you do here is something that I want you to do:
See yourself pushing a button like you would in the car to roll down a window.
Let all that is going on roll down for a little while.
Ask God to give you a vision of hope.
Now, look beyond it all.
What has God placed in your heart to see?
What is the desire that he has given you that gives you hope?
Only you and God know what it is. Go ahead and smile, it's okay...
it's okay to have hope for your future, for your family's future.
Now, see a big cardboard box in your mind,
take each family member that is hurting, give them hugs and kisses and with a smile lovingly place them in the box.
Take the events that have caused so much pain and toss all that in there as well.
Close the lid.
Look up...
there is Jesus, He is smiling and has His arms out to you.
He wants the box, all of it, everyone and everything that is in it.
He does not want you to carry it anymore. He is able to heal it all.
He wants to heal it all. That is why he died on the cross. He understands
your pain, and your family's pain.
All you have to do now is nod your head, and He will take that box from you.
Then you crawl up in His arms and rest, baby...just rest.
It's on His shoulders now, not yours...
Jeremiah 29:11--"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
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